tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-342424902024-03-07T20:06:19.178-05:00Dating Tips For GuysAdvice on how to attract and date woman - for the average guy!Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger68125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34242490.post-6812129791009250952009-07-30T09:41:00.001-04:002013-02-14T10:14:50.138-05:00How to Meet WomenMen like things that make sense. We repair cars, build furniture, and spend our free time cursing tiny model ships in bottles. All of these things have clear cut systems and “how-to” procedures that make them possible to achieve, and that's what we like: instructions. Sure sure, we men are renowned for refusing to ask for directions, but the truth is we like a system that has clear cut goals and methods that allow us to reach them. But what's that have to do with meeting women? Well, as tricky and unique as women are, you can develop a general system for meeting them that works.<br /><br />The truth of the matter is guys meet women everyday. You meet women in the grocery store, at work, on the bus or subway, in line at the bank. Everywhere. The trick is being able to turn these brief chance encounters into a date, and then series of dates that lead ultimately to a relationship.<br /><br />Remember, you're making first impressions all the time. You might be thinking about leaving the house in your cutoffs and the tank top you mow the lawn in fellas, after all “nobody important” is going to see you, or are they? If you want to meet women, you have to remember that you might meet a woman doing anything, going anywhere. Be prepared for this chance. That means ditch the rags and pull on some decent threads, even if you're just running out to the store real quick.<br /><br />You may be inclined to think that bars and clubs are good places to meet women, and for some people they probably are. But the truth is that for most of us, we'd be better off meeting somebody in a grocery store, gym, or even a public pool. Most people go to clubs or bars to do two things: drink, and “hook up.” This means that a large number of people in any given bar are either bouncing from disposable relationship to disposable relationship, or worse, they're alcoholic. If you approach a woman in a gym, or grocery store, you don't have to compete with any loud music or pushy drunk people. You can also use the casual setting to help you find things in common so you have something to talk about if you do get her to agree to a date.<br /><br />Meeting women is easy. You do it all the time, every day, everywhere. You just need to spend a little time making sure you look presentable. Then casually express interest and see if you can get a date. Remember, in the end, if you don't ask, the answer is always “no.”<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34242490.post-63183886873674914612009-07-21T09:46:00.005-04:002013-02-14T10:16:03.223-05:00A Few Minor Changes Can Revive Your Social Life!Do you ever get the feeling that you're missing out on most of what life has to offer? Do you feel like you're running out of chances to meet the girl of your dreams? Are you finding it incredibly difficult to meet women while most other guys seem to be having the time of their lives? Well, what you may not realize is that you've got every opportunity they have, you just need to change the way you look at things. Most importantly, you need to change the way you approach the concept of women and dating.<br /><br />Basically, what it all comes down to is the way you're projecting your personality – the way other people are perceiving you. Though it may not be readily apparent, there's a good chance that you're not coming across as the guy you want to be, or can be. For this reason, it's vitally important to identify your weaknesses. Try getting the opinion of a trusted friend – what you're looking for is a real, honest opinion of how you come across to people.<br /><br />Though the truth may hurt, it's important to know where you're making your mistakes before you can improve on things. Are you coming across as self-conscious, introverted, or tentative? Or do you tend to overwhelm people with your boisterous personality? Either way, there are certainly things about your personality that you can improve on and having outside opinion is worth its weight in gold.<br /><br />So why can't you simply analyze your own personality and make the required changes? Well the problem is that you've gotten used to who you are and, in your mind, there is nothing wrong with the way you come across to people.<br /><br />When it comes to meeting and dating women, there is a good chance that you're making some crucial mistakes that you don't even realize. Oftentimes, all it takes is a little tweak here and there and you'll see an incredible difference in your social life. For most people, it's simply a matter changing a few minor personality traits.<br /><br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34242490.post-83869670353748277592009-07-03T11:07:00.001-04:002009-07-03T11:11:02.663-04:00Even Average Guys Can Date Attractive Women - If They Have the Right AttitudeAre you convinced that only good looking, charismatic, successful guys get attractive women? Well, that's what I thought a few years back when I first started this blog, but I can confidently say after meeting and dating my fair share of women that nothing could be further from the truth. A lot has changed in my life since than – in fact, you could say that my entire outlook on women and life in general is completely different.<br /><br />Originally, I started this blog as a kind of personal diary and a challenge to myself to get a full-time girlfriend within the period of one year. Just looking back at that now makes me realize how little I knew about women, dating, and my own potential to get out there and find/create my own happiness. <br /><br />If you've read any of my previous stuff, you'll know that I had been carrying around a lot of emotional baggage back then. Everything from my weight, to my receding hairline, to my glasses – It just seemed that I really had nothing going for me at all. <br /><br />Even after losing a ton of weight, getting contacts, and updating my wardrobe, I still didn't feel particularly confident. This really started getting me down because it almost seemed as though all that work was for nothing. Inside, I was the same insecure person I always was.<br /><br />So what changed?<br /><br />Well, I think my biggest epiphany came when I was on the verge of giving up completely. I was so tired of trying to be someone I wasn't just to attract women. It just wasn't me and as a result, I was failing miserably. I realized right there and then that I was just trying a little to hard. As a result, I stopped putting such an emphasis on the end result and adopted the attitude that whatever happened, happened. <br /><br />Looking back, I'm sure that I was giving off desperation vibes like crazy. It's no wonder I couldn't attract anyone. <br /><br />An amazing thing happened once I was able to do this. I actually started getting more women to talk to me. As amazing as that sounds, the less attention I payed to them, the more friendly they became. I know there are a lot of theories out there about this, but it actually did work for me – I honestly never would have believed it if I hadn't experienced it for myself.<br /><br />To be honest, I had tried this hard-to-get tactic in the past, but I was never able to pull it off because I was making one small mistake. I wasn't playing hard to get, I was completely ignoring them. There is a huge difference. If you ignore women completely, don't expect them to be falling all over you – unless, of course, you are so good looking they just can't help themselves. Not only that, but it requires no effort at all to ignore people – it's the easiest thing in the world. <br /><br />Acting with confidence while charming a woman - well, that's something different altogether. That actually does take effort.<br /><br />When it's all said and done, it really is a very delicate balancing act. You want to impress her and get closer, but at the same time, you want to come off as if your whole world isn't riding on whether she likes you or not. Be confident, personable, charming, funny, and sincere, but slightly aloof. Never show desperation – even when you think things are going well. In other words, never show your hand.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34242490.post-33535604726062508282009-03-20T13:36:00.002-04:002009-03-20T13:40:42.429-04:00Falling For Every WomanIn my last post, I talked about the importance of making contact with more than one woman. In other words, it's always a good idea to have a few options. If you want to know the truth, this is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. The main reason is that I have a tendency to fall for a woman very easily.<br /><br />It can be a real problem when you're trying to play the field and exploring your options. As I mentioned in my last post, putting all your efforts into one person and then having them reject you for whatever reason is not a sensible thing to do.<br /><br />Eventually, I started dating more and meeting more women. As a result, my tendency to start falling for the first woman I talked to seemed to diminish. I remember as a teenager being teased by my older brothers saying that the first woman who kissed me I'd ask to marry. I suppose they weren't far off on their prediction.<br /><br />Throughout high school and college, I dated very little and I tended to be somewhat clingy with anyone that showed me even the slightest bit of interest. A lot of this had to do with my low self-esteem and confidence - but that's another story.<br /><br />The bottom line is that I've discovered that by playing the field and making contact with as many women as possible, I was able to make a more mature and sensible decision as far as who I wanted to get serious with. It's not that I have 20 women at my beck and call, because I'm just an average looking guy; but I discovered that didn't matter anyway. If you put your mind to it, you can get out there and meet tons of people. Anyone can do this - I'm proof of that.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34242490.post-27538178372671951832009-03-06T16:44:00.000-05:002009-03-06T16:46:06.027-05:00Don't Put All Your Eggs in One BasketAs I mentioned in my last post, you're not really doing yourself any favors by trying to be someone you're not. Eventually it's all going to come down like a house of cards. So, you are simply postponing the inevitable.<br /><br />One huge mistake I used to make (and I still make sometimes) is that I simply bet everything on one woman. I'd concentrate all my efforts on one particular person and painstakingly tried to polish my act in order to get her to like me. Talk about putting all your eggs in one basket. Any guy who has success with women will tell you that this is a bad idea. It's much better to spread yourself around and have more options.<br /><br />By not zeroing in on one particular woman, you're better able to play the numbers game - and, quite often, that's exactly what it takes in order to have success in the dating world. Let's face it: not every woman is going to like you. Don't worry, and don't take it personally; that's simply the way it is. There are no two people on the face of this planet that are exactly alike. Sometimes there is simply no chemistry, and other times there are extenuating circumstances that you're not even aware of. Often, it goes past a simple compatibility issue.<br /><br />By having more than one option available to you, you are creating a much bigger advantage and eventual chance at happiness. While some people may think this approach may be a little on the sleazy side, I beg to differ. It's not like you have to sleep with every partner you come in contact with.<br /><br />Besides, your true soul mate may actually be out there somewhere while you're wasting your time with someone that isn't your type. You're never going to know this unless you date different people. That is a fact and there's no way around it.<br /><br />In my case, I quickly realized that my tendency to concentrate on only one person at a time was really my own lack of self-esteem and confidence. Once I was comfortable with one person, I found it difficult to stretch the boundaries and really get out there and try different things. As they say: if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Well, that's not exactly the greatest advice in the dating world, unfortunately.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34242490.post-31348606431813397232009-03-02T13:34:00.002-05:002009-03-02T13:51:13.854-05:00Just be YourselfAs a single guy, and one who is relatively inexperienced in the dating world, one of the toughest challenges I've ever faced was to simply be myself. For some reason, once I was out in public around women, I assumed a different personality because I didn't like my own. This new "me" was always trying to be funny, clever, interesting, and likable. What I usually came off as was a desperate, needy guy who was trying to seek approval and attention from everyone.<br /><br />To tell you the truth, I'm not sure exactly why I couldn't be myself around women. It's not like I had a horrible personality when I was just being me. Yes, I may not have been as talkative, clever, or funny, but I was sincere, down-to-earth and could carry a pretty good conversation.<br /><br />It's only been within the last year or so that I've realized being yourself is not entirely bad. Heck, if they don't like me, then at least I won't be wasting anyone's time, including my own. Ultimately, if you establish any kind of relationship, your real personality is going to come out anyway - so why prolong it?<br /><br />I think the problem many guys have is fear of failure. They would rather seek approval from everyone even if it means that they have to completely change their personality. Yes, you may attract more women by putting on this false front, but really, what's it going to buy you in the long run?<br /><br />Once I started simply being myself, I noticed that I tended not to become stressed out as much. The conversations I did have seemed to be a little more relaxed and fluid. A big part of this new mindset was convincing myself that I didn't have to please everyone and, although I may have had to talk to more women, the ones I did connect with would be real.<br /><br />So the next time you're talking to a beautiful woman and you're afraid that you're going to lose her if she discovers who you really are, simply remind yourself that there are more fish in the sea and it's not the end of the world. Sometimes dating is just a numbers game and you've got to go through a few rough patches before you find what you're looking for.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34242490.post-76167484208072998472009-02-22T10:20:00.003-05:002009-02-22T10:42:30.572-05:00Average Looking Guys do Have a ChanceI have to admit, I'm not the greatest looking guy in the world. Although, I have been doing quite a bit to improve my image over the past two or three years, I am still faced with the harsh reality of simply being average looking. For a while, I convinced myself that looks really don't matter, but who was I kidding - honestly?<br /><br />While it's certainly in your best interest to maintain a positive outlook and project confidence and self-assuredness when talking to women, it's also a good idea to be aware of the fact that they do place a value on looks alone. Yes, it's a cold harsh reality.<br /><br />Now, you can take this in one of two ways. You can continue to torture yourself for the rest of your life always feeling like a victim because you don't measure up in the looks department, or you can accept yourself for who you are and work on things you can change.<br /><br />Personally, I did everything I could to improve my looks including losing weight, getting contacts, and improving my wardrobe. I got to the point where it really wasn't possible to do much more.<br /><br />After that, I concentrated on the things I could change instead of obsessing and beating myself up for not being good looking enough or not measuring up to the best looking guy in a crowd.<br /><br />One really bad habit I got out of was my tendency to compare myself to the best looking guys in a crowd. That was just self-torture and would always create a negative state of mind. Of course there's always going to be someone better looking than you in a crowd. If you continue to compare yourself to these people, you're going to end up feeling bad - end of story.<br /><br />Now here's the good news: I've discovered that it is possible to improve your personality to the point where you actually overshadow those guys you can't compare to in looks.<br /><br />I've also discovered that many guys that have been gifted with rugged good looks are, in fact, lacking in personality and substance. Even though they may be able to initially attract the best looking women, I believe someone with average looks can outdo them in the long run.<br /><br />So I guess what I'm saying is that once you've learned to accept yourself for who you are, you can start working on things that you can change. This is a much better use of your efforts than simply beating yourself up because you don't measure up to the top 2% of the population.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34242490.post-43340744706716179982009-02-09T14:28:00.001-05:002009-02-09T14:31:31.003-05:00A Training Course - More Than I Bargained ForA few months ago, I was asked to attend a training session for one of my biggest customers. I do contract work for them. The training was one week long and fully paid by the corporation.<br /><br />My field is programming and if you know anything about software guys it's that many don't have the most outgoing personalities. I apologize to anyone I’m offending by saying this, I’m just going by my own experience.<br /><br />Suffice it to say, I'm not that confident, I'm shy, and most times I'm unsure of myself. This has been my basic personality for the past 30 odd years, so I don't anticipate changing that much.<br /><br />Anyway, when I get to the training session, I realize that it's also very sales oriented and, hence, there are a lot of salespeople in attendance - male and female. They were all your typical sales types - good-looking, cocky, and very outgoing.<br /><br />One of the first things I noticed was how gorgeous most of the female sales reps were. Now, I'm not naïve enough to think that I'm even in the same league, but they certainly were nice to look at.<br /><br />Once training got underway, I noticed something very peculiar. It seemed that the male sales reps picked up on my personality in two seconds flat and used it as some sort of pawn in their attempt to impress the female reps. Yes, I was the butt of a few jokes and a couple putdowns.<br /><br />Strangely enough, although they were in competition with each other for the attention of the beautiful women, I felt no competition at all between myself and them. I suppose in their mind they didn't even consider me a contender.<br /><br />It was at that very moment that I realized there's not a whole lot of difference between the human race and the animal kingdom. Here you have a group of Alpha males jockeying for position while average males stand by and watch. It was a little humiliating, but also an interesting experience.<br /><br />What I took away from all this was that people are certainly in different classes and each person has his/her place in the grand scheme of things. These beautiful female sales reps were nice enough to me on the surface, but deep down they knew, and I knew, that there wasn't a hope in hell that I'd have a chance to be with them romantically. <br /><br />Isn't it funny how we are still governed by nature in our ultra-civilized world?Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34242490.post-5539813193583198812009-02-05T11:04:00.001-05:002009-02-05T11:06:35.787-05:00Women Love to DanceIf you're like most guys, dancing probably doesn't come naturally to you. Furthermore, it's probably not something that you're too anxious to learn. Let me re-word that: if you're unsuccessful with women, there's a good chance that you can't dance and you're not interested in learning.<br /><br />Of course, that's a pretty general assumption and I apologize to anyone that's offended by reading that. As usual, I'm speaking from my own experiences and my many male friends that have the same problem with women that I have (or did).<br /><br />From the time I first started becoming interested in women, I noticed a peculiar thing – but really didn't give it much thought until later on in life. I noticed that most women love to dance. This was apparent from my first junior high dance experience. Of course, at that age, who really knew what to do, how to do it, and what women (girls) actually liked. One thing I did notice, even at that early age, was that most of the girls seem to enjoy dancing. In fact, our high school dances consisted mainly of girls dancing with each other (or the occasional guy), and the majority of the other guys sitting around or propping up a wall. <br /><br />There was an invaluable life lesson to be learned there, but I was too immature to really notice it. Looking back now, it seemed that there was only a handful of guys in our entire school that could dance properly. Coincidently, they always seem to be surrounded by women and lived life as though it were a beer commercial.<br /><br />Convinced that this was simply an adolescent phase, I quickly learned that dancing was an important part of the entire dating scene even into my 20's and 30's. I discovered that if you couldn't dance, you were resigning yourself to a life of loneliness.<br /><br />So my conclusion is: Women love to dance, and anyone that can move on the dance floor is heads and shoulders above all the other guys that are simply standing around waiting for something to happen.<br /><br />Ironically, many of the guys that could move on the dance floor weren't necessarily the best looking or had the greatest personality. They simply had something that women wanted, and that was a dance partner. Being the eternal rebel, I was resistant to change and always thought of dancing as something that sissies did.<br /><br />Fast-forward to about two years ago. I finally gave in and decided to take some dance lessons. I managed to talk my sister-in-law into helping me out with some basic moves and also took some formal lessons. I was determined to learn how to dance, though I was in my 30s, even if it killed me. I should also mention that I'm extremely uncoordinated and clumsy – so this really was a challenge.<br /><br />These days, I'm quite comfortable getting up on the dance floor. I've gotten to the point where I at least look okay, although I'll ever be someone who people notice. That's okay though, because just knowing how to dance a little has opened up a whole new world to me. I didn't realize how much I was missing and how much I was leaving on the table.<br /><br />I shudder to think of how many lost opportunities I've had over the years because I simply refused to (or was scared to) get up on the dance floor. In my experience, even if I managed to start talking to a woman, the minute I was asked to get up and dance (and then I refused), the evening was over in short order.<br /><br />My only regret was that I waited until my mid-30s to learn. I often wonder how different my life could have been had I taken the initiative to learn a few basic moves back in my teen years. Oh well, such is life.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34242490.post-68509278393165267732009-01-29T14:16:00.000-05:002009-01-29T14:17:27.359-05:00A Personality Just Ripe For RejectionOver the past few years, I've made more mistakes with women than you can possibly imagine. In fact, I've seriously lost count of all the screw ups I've made. Now, initially I took this in an extremely negative way. The more mistakes I made, the more of a loser I became (at least that's how it seemed at the time).<br /><br />It got so bad that I fully expected to be rejected even before I mustered up the courage to talk to a woman. In my mind, I was defeated before I even walked over. At one point, it was as though I had an insatiable thirst for rejection and humiliation and simply went from one woman to the other to see how much I could take - though it seemed like I was becoming immune to this mistreatment, every incident slowly chipped away at my fragile self-esteem.<br /><br />So what's changed?<br /><br />Well, I realized that a lot of my problem had to do with my maturity level. Although I didn't realize it at the time, there was just this thing about me that turned women off. Actually, it was a combination of a lot of things: immaturity, low self-esteem, lack of social skills, desperation, neediness, and the list goes on. Is it any wonder that I kept getting rejected?<br /><br />Now the problem with getting rejected is that it becomes a self filling prophecy. Every rejection firmed up the fact that I was a loser - and on it went...<br /><br />So you could say that the root of my problem was the negative image I was sending out. Even though most of the stuff was in my head, it was very evident that I was radiating some sort of negativity/desperation vibe.<br /><br />It's amazing what people can pick up on - especially a woman to whom you are attracted. Needless to say, I had a lot of work to do on myself before I'd have any success meeting the girl of my dreams.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34242490.post-56573138605348905432008-08-29T17:37:00.001-04:002008-08-29T17:39:44.867-04:00Meeting Women In Bars And Clubs Can Be Brutal For An Average Guy<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"> I have to admit, I've had a fair amount of experience with bars and clubs in the past year or so. Unfortunately, most of that experience has been bad. And I don't say that to be funny, just telling it like it is for an average guy like myself. I'm sure there are many out there that function okay in this high pressure environment – sadly, I'm not one of them.<br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">The thing is, I don't really care whether I'm successful or not in bars and clubs. There is much more opportunity out there to meet women in the real world. Yeah, I wouldn't consider a high pressure, noisy club to be the real world. Sure, there are loads of beautiful women strutting their stuff, but unless you're exceptional in some way, you haven't got a chance. I'm not just theorizing here – I speak from experience.<br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">I often thought that maybe I didn't give it a fair chance. That's why I decided to concentrate strictly on bars and clubs for a few months. This was last year just before Christmas. I decided to really put forth my best effort after talking to a friend that seemed to do pretty well for himself. Now, women weren't fighting over this guy or anything, but he did manage to get them to talk to him.<br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">What I quickly realized was that this guy only got better at talking to women because he had been turned down so many times. His theory was that for every 20 women he talked to, one would actually acknowledge him. Funny enough, his twenty to one ratio was pretty much bang on.<br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">However, after hitting several clubs over a two-month period, my ratio was more like a hundred to one. I just didn't seem to have it, no matter how hard I tried. A person can only be rejected so many times before they start to question themselves. This technique might work for some, but for anyone with self-esteem issues, it's deadly.<br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">On a positive note, of all the girls I talked to in bars, I did manage to meet a few decent ones.<br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Anyway, I digress. What it all comes down to is the fact that bars are not the be-all and end-all of places where you can meet quality women. In fact, I would say that most of the quality women are not the type to frequent bars in the first place. Yes, it's true that there are many beautiful women that hang out in bars, but you have to realize that this is part of their lifestyle. Forget what they look like for a second – is this really what you want?</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br /></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34242490.post-46203945585129073982008-08-24T22:42:00.003-04:002008-08-24T22:48:02.985-04:00Dating - Creating Options<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">If you're a single guy, you've got a lot of choice in the dating world - when you play your cards right. Many guys make the mistake of “putting all their eggs in one basket” when it comes to romance and dating. Leaving yourself options is smart because you never know what's going to go wrong.<br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">That was a hard lesson learned when I first started my online dating escapades. I would tend to get attached to one woman and ignore everyone else. This was true in the on-line and off-line world. I don't know what my problem was, but I had a hard time multitasking when it came to paying attention to more than one person at a time. More often than not, I regretted being faithful to one woman. Keep in mind, I'm only talking about dating here. If I was involved in a sexual relationship, I would certainly keep it exclusive.<br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">I suppose dating immaturity has a lot to do with it. I was very inexperienced up until a few years ago, and if any woman paid attention to me, I would focus strictly on that person. What I learned very quickly was that things don't go according to plan most of the time, and I was left on my own several times.<br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Eventually, I started getting to know more than one person at a time. Not that I was stringing them along, it's just that I made it very clear that I wasn't going to get serious with anyone right away.<br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">That had a very profound effect on my dating life. Once I made it clear that I didn't want a serious relationship and I wanted to keep things light, women started phoning more often and seemed to be much more eager to meet up than they were previously. I'll talk more about that in another post.<br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">By not getting serious with one person, I was able to date different women and keep my options open. If I fell out with one, I would always have other options available.<br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Just a word of caution: I don't recommend that you string people along or try to burn the candle at both ends by carrying on a serious relationship with more than one person. This will never end well. You're much better off telling them that you want to keep things light and that you're both free to date other people.<br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Of course, the other advantage to this is that you discover who is right for you and who isn't. When you have no choices, you can sometimes make the mistake of getting serious with someone that's not right for you. For example: if you date five separate women in one month, you will quickly find out what you like and what you don't like. If you date someone exclusively, you won't have anyone to compare her to.<br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">This is a mistake that most inexperienced guys make. You've heard the old saying about marrying the first girl you see. Sadly, this is true for many guys. They are literally throwing away their chance at happiness in return for a sure thing.<br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">I was actually that guy for most of my life. I was clingy, possessive, jealous, and needy. Oh yeah, I was the whole package – lol.<br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">I had no idea that I was capable of dating multiple women and having a choice of whom I wanted to be with. I always assumed that I should be thankful to at least have someone. </p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34242490.post-13813801703687057542008-08-12T10:11:00.002-04:002008-08-12T10:15:25.493-04:00Arrogance is Not Confidence<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">So, what's the difference between confidence and cockiness? If you honestly don't know, then you've got a lot of work ahead of you, not to mention many disappointments along the way.<br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Although there are guys out there that can get away with being arrogant, cocky, and juvenile; most of us can't pull it off in a positive way. Don't get me wrong, it's not that these guys can't attract beautiful women (in fact, many of them attract the most beautiful women), it's just that any woman of substance will be able to see through this superficial charade without any problem at all.<br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Arrogance, cockiness, and aggressive behavior are definitely not signs of confidence. This type of behavior is often a cover-up for lack of self-esteem.<br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Have you ever noticed guys that seem to take great pleasure in putting other people down, making fun of someone, or humiliating others just so they can feel superior? These are also most likely the people that will treat women poorly just to get attention. Does this type of behavior sound like confidence?<br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">The truth of the matter is that women are attracted to confidence – but it must be genuine. They love being with a guy that is comfortable with himself but doesn't let everyone know it – a humble self-assuredness, if you will. This type of guy doesn't need to show everyone else how confident he is by being boisterous and obnoxious.<br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">I can remember getting some bad advice from a book I read some time ago. The basic theory that the author was trying to get across was that every guy should develop a “bad boy” routine. The premise was that this drives women absolutely wild and any man that can master it will also have his choice of any woman he wants.<br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Unfortunately, I took this advice to heart and went out in the real world to try it out. This was by far one of the biggest mistakes I've ever made in the dating world. For one thing, behavior like this really is unacceptable. Secondly, I absolutely did not have the personality to pull this off with any degree of success. Thirdly, it's a good way to get beat up (I'm serious). I won't get into details, but suffice it to say that I thoroughly embarrassed myself and a few of my friends that night. In fact, word got around about my humiliating display and I went through a period where no one wanted to have anything to do with me – this included my closest friends.<br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">So how do you build real confidence?<br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Well, from my experience and what I've noticed from watching truly confident guys; real confidence has more to do with who you are as a person, the values you hold, and your ability to shoulder responsibility. It's the self-assurance that one gains through knowing his abilities/capabilities – while keeping most of this to himself.<br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">If I could eventually develop this sort of quiet confidence, I'd have it made. Unfortunately, there is much more below the surface than meets the eye, and one cannot simply go from being insecure to being confident overnight.</p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34242490.post-42933445422454414392008-08-10T12:36:00.001-04:002008-08-10T12:39:11.762-04:00Take a Step Back - Work on Your Confidence And Self-Esteem Issues First<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">It's a real shame that many guys simply can't relax enough around women so that their true personalities shine. Personally, I always felt that I had a very relaxed and down to earth way about me. However, this terrific side of me only came out when I was around people that I could relax with. Unfortunately, in high anxiety situations (such as a date), I was transformed into this whole other person. I went from feeling confident, self-assured, and personable, to this insecure, nervous guy that was always stumbling on his words and agreeing with what ever she said just to gain her approval. It was a real train wreck; honest to God.<br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">I eventually came to the conclusion that I was in over my head in most dating situations. I obviously had confidence and self-esteem issues that I needed to take care of before I'd have any hope of success on a date.<br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">The solution seemed simple: I somehow needed to take my relaxed personality and use it in high-stress situations, such as dating. Of course, I quickly found out that this was next to impossible. I simply couldn't relax enough to have my “real” personality take over.<br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Obviously, I needed to work on my self-confidence and self-esteem. I figured I had two options: I could either go and get professional help, or I could go the self-help route.<br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Now, seeking professional help takes a major commitment, not to mention, money. Although I've got nothing against talking to a professional, I didn't think my problem warranted such drastic action. So I started reading everything I could about confidence building and hoped that there would be something that I could take and use in the real world.<br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">To make a long story short, I did get a lot of value from the books that I read, but ultimately what changed my life was the real world experience that I gained over the course of a year. I literally forced myself into social situations.<br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">As scary as that sounds to a shy person, the uneasy feeling doesn't last. I can remember feeling so self-conscious at first that all I wanted to do was go home, put on a movie and relax. Of course, that was the old me. The new me was determined to make this work no matter what.<br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Even though I ended up making a fool of myself on several occasions, I didn't give up. I learned from my mistakes and over time I began to relax a little more. My conversation skills increased dramatically and I started feeling much less self-conscious around people.<br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Eventually, I got to the point where I could actually handle a dating situation with relative ease. Of course, it really depended on who I was with. There were still (and are) women that made me nervous and self-conscious no matter what.<br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">The bottom line is that there is no “quick fix” for lack of confidence and self-esteem in the dating world (or in general). While everyone is nervous on a first date (to some extent), excessive nervousness could be a sign of deeper, underlying issues.<br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Why am I spending so much time talking about this?<br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Well, first of all, it's an issue that hits very close to home with me. Secondly, I think it's something that affects many more people than you would think. Not to mention, if you allow your nervousness and lack of confidence to dominate your life in the dating world, you are condemning yourself to a life of disappointment and embarrassment. And you deserve better than that.</p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34242490.post-10235023548760924592008-08-07T10:07:00.001-04:002008-08-07T10:11:07.842-04:00Can't Talk To Women? Get Some Conversation Experience!<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">When I started the dating challenge, I had no idea how to even talk to a woman, let alone ask someone out on a date. For some reason, I assumed that by losing weight and working on my physical appearance, I'd be able to totally transform myself. I couldn't have been more wrong.<br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">What I didn't realize at the time was that my physical appearance was only one contributing factor in my failure with women. There were other things at work here that were hurting me much more than my sloppy appearance.<br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">What I eventually realized was that I had a problem relating to society in general. It simply wasn't that I couldn't talk to women - I couldn't talk to anyone very well. Of course, when I was in a conversation with a woman, things were much worse and my feelings of low self-esteem, lack of confidence, and general inadequacy, took center stage.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">I have a friend who suffers from a condition known as social anxiety. Social anxiety is essentially a form of severe shyness. Every time I feel as though I'll never be able to talk to women or get a date, I think of how bad my friend has it. Because of this condition, he cannot talk to women at all, and has never had a date as far as I know. Now, I'm not putting him down and he really is a great friend, but his extreme shyness is just killing his prospects in the dating world.<br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">The only reason I am mentioning this is because, even though I believed I don't have social anxiety, I do have (or had) a problem with shyness.<br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">So, you can see that sometimes you need to take a step or two back and address other problems in your life before you can find success in the dating world. And that is exactly what I did.<br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">It's been well over a year now since I decided that I don't want life passing me by while I remain too shy to achieve the things I want. Although my friend started getting therapy for his condition, I decided that I didn't really need that much help. Quite simply, I just needed more experience socializing and conversing with people.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">I decided to step up my social activities and took every advantage to talk to people - and I mean, I talked to everyone. What I found was that this provided valuable experience that I would use in the dating world.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">I'm convinced that there is not a problem in the world that can't be improved by simply getting more experience - and my shyness problem was no exception. It took well over a year, but I'm finally to the point where I can relax on dates and have meaningful conversations with women - and the best thing is that I don't come across as nervous, needy, or insecure. Women really do pick up on insecurity and nervousness - and it's generally not a good thing from a dating perspective.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">So, the bottom line is that I forced myself to get out in public (even if I had nowhere to go. I would still go for a walk). And the other thing I did was force myself to talk to anyone I could. After a while, this became second nature, and that's when I started getting a little confidence which snowballed from there.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">No big secrets here, I just realized what my shortcomings were, made a plan, and the rest is history.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">I'm at the point right now where I feel relatively comfortable talking to anyone. I don't feel any need to improve my conversation skills or confidence level anymore than I have, as I am having a decent amount of success the way things are.</p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34242490.post-82678304234249130902008-07-31T17:59:00.001-04:002008-07-31T18:02:03.979-04:00Is There Hope For Nervous Guys?<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Nervous guys don't do well in the dating world. That is a fact. How do I know? Well, I used to be one of the nerdiest and most nervous looking guys you would ever want to meet. Women (and they didn't even have to be good-looking) would send my anxiety through the roof. It was so bad that I was simply unable to say a few words without looking like some kind of weirdo. Whenever I was around a woman that I would consider “dateable material,” I would change from my normal behavior into someone who could not even say hello without sounding (or looking) like I was going to pass out. This was very obvious, and was so embarrassing that most times I avoided any situation where there was any chance that I'd come into contact with the opposite sex. Sad, very very sad.<br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Some of the physical symptoms included blushing, sweating, and shaking. Oh, and worst of all, I felt as though my throat were constricting to the point that I could not speak. If I did try to say a few words, I always felt out of breath and the tightness in my throat resulted in any words having a peculiar high-pitched squeak to them.<br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">So combine all this with the fact that I was at least 80 pounds overweight, I wore glasses, and that I was starting to lose my hair, and you've got one big mess. In fact, things couldn't have been any worse.<br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">At one point, I decided that it was all in my head and that my physical symptoms weren't that noticeable. However, I was fooling myself. Of course women could see how nervous I was. They didn't say anything, but I could see how they were completely turned off by my lack of confidence<br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Why am I telling you this?<br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">I suppose it's because I want you to understand that no matter how bad things are, there is hope for all of us. It doesn't matter who you are, whether you're overweight, have below average looks, or that you feel inadequate around women. If a guy like me can do it, anyone can do it.<br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Now, I'm not saying that I'm able to get any female I desire. In fact, many women are still out of my league – and that's okay – that's reality, and I'm okay with that.<br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Actually, having the ability to know when someone is out of your league is invaluable. This can save a lot of time and disappointment. I still laugh as I watch some guy hitting on a beautiful woman in a bar that literally has no chance whatsoever. Certainly, I can see that this guy is so far out of her league that it's almost laughable, but somehow no one has told him and he's screwed up the courage to give it a go. This is where good friends are invaluable. A good friend would never let you humiliate yourself like that.<br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Let's face it, if you have average looks, personality, and confidence, you probably shouldn't be hitting on the most beautiful woman in the place (unless, of course, you thrive on humiliation).Can you eventually get to the point where your personality and confidence is so strong that you can literally pick up any woman you want – regardless of your looks?<br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Well, lets just say that I've seen it done.<br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">I've seen some very average, or below average, looking guys that have obviously mastered the technique of picking up any woman they desire. Personally, I have not achieved this level of expertise yet. In fact, it may be impossible for me to reach this level – but time will tell.</p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34242490.post-54884936660539834752008-07-10T17:12:00.000-04:002008-07-10T17:14:11.620-04:00Signs of Romantic Attraction<p class="MsoNormal">Knowing the signs of romantic attraction is critical to happiness in the dating world. Unfortunately, it’s something that I refused to acknowledge for the longest time. While I spent, what seemed as, every waking hour hoping to get women to notice me, much of the real opportunity slipped through my fingers.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">If you can’t interpret the subtle messages that women send your way, then you are dead in the water. And here is one important fact: women are a lot less obvious when it comes to sending these signals than men are. </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Obviously, nature plays a big part here. Men are just conditioned to convey their feelings toward women in a very, no-nonsense fashion – there is usually no mistaking their feelings and intentions. Women, on the other hand, are much more low-key.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Why did I have a problem interpreting these signs?</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Well, it all came down to my lack of self-esteem. </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">If I was talking with a woman that was sending me these subtle messages, I would always convince myself that my imagination was running wild. Although, I would be aware that she might find me attractive, I would kill the idea in my head without a second thought. </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">What if I was wrong and made a pass at her? Would she ignore me? Scream? Laugh? Run away? If I ever had the urge to trust my instincts and follow through, my “logical” side would quickly step in and put an end to it. I’d convince myself that she couldn’t have possibly been showing signs of romantic attraction towards me – obviously, I was misreading the situation. </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Ultimately, I refused to acknowledge that any woman would be interested in me – it didn’t matter if the signs were subtle or downright forward.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">That led to many years of loneliness.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Today, things have improved. I’ve been working on my confidence and self-esteem a little and I am now able to see many of these low-key signals that are being sent my way. Granted, I am still careful to interpret things properly so as to avoid embarrassment, but at the same time, I’ve opened my mind to the possibility that some women do find me attractive and go out of their way to show me. </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">It’s all to do with confidence and self-esteem. Whoever you decide you are you will become – well, for the most part anyway.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Next: The top 10 signs of romantic attraction. Wondering if she’s interested? Check this out!</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34242490.post-88470393114196520692008-07-02T20:34:00.002-04:002008-07-02T20:50:20.258-04:00Dealing With Rejection<p class="MsoNormal">As a single guy, you need to be prepared for rejection. There is no way around this, and it’s something that we all have to deal with. If your self-esteem is so fragile that you can’t handle rejection at all, then you could be in for a very lonely life. It doesn’t matter what you look like or what kind of personality you have – At some point you will be rejected.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">This is probably one of the greatest “secrets” of all time and it took me a long time to realize how it worked and why it was so important in the grand scheme of things. One of the most amazing things about rejection is that if you are confident in your abilities and are prepared to handle rejection with some class and dignity, your rejection rate actually decreases. </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Like any “failure” in life, rejection is pretty hard to take, initially. Hey, it’s a blow to your ego and many guys take it personally. After all, you are being rejected because you are not quite good enough. How can one not take that personally?</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Well, from my experience, there are two things wrong with that way of thinking: First, there could be a number of reasons that she rejected you. It could have nothing to do with you at all – you’ll likely never know the real reason, unfortunately. Second, even if you are rejected because of the way you look or the way you act, that is her opinion only. You cannot unconditionally accept one person’s opinion as the absolute truth. Ok, she might not be attracted to you, but there is always someone out there that will think you are wonderful.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">How do I know this? Well, I’ve experienced it many times in the past few years. The real secret here is not to dwell on rejection. If you allow one person’s opinion to wear away at your self-esteem and create negative energy, you will never meet anyone. This person is stealing power from you – don’t give them the satisfaction.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""> </span></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34242490.post-44664399924582086852008-06-09T14:13:00.000-04:002008-06-09T14:17:10.334-04:00First Impressions - She's Already Made up Her Mind<p class="MsoNormal">First impressions are everything, especially in the dating world. Though you may not realize it, most times a potential mate will have you “figured out” within seconds of meeting. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing unless the image you are portraying is so negative that it kills any chance of a romantic encounter at all. Notice that there is a difference between the image you project, and the image you want to project.<o:p><br /></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Many women (even though they already have an impression of you burned in their minds) will, at least, allow you the opportunity to redeem yourself and disprove their preconceived notions. However, be aware that once that initial impression has been made, it is almost written in stone – you’ve got to be very persuasive to change it.<o:p><br /></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">So, obviously, the solution is to make your first impression a good one - Sounds easy enough, but there are many things out of your control. Sure you can do everything in your power to appear confident and project a positive image, but what if you remind her of an ex-boyfriend who dumped her? What if you remind her of her brother? Perhaps you resemble that geeky, obnoxious guy at work – or the rude landlord. There can be many things that are simply out of your control. The sad thing is that you’ll never really know.<o:p><br /></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">What’s even more amazing is the fact that she may not even be aware that she is making assumptions and forming opinions – at least, not on a conscious level. Human beings interpret things on many levels and while there is no logical reason for her to despise you, it can exist somewhere below the surface.<o:p><br /></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">The good news is that this same principle works the other way. People may not be able to explain why they are inexplicably drawn to someone, yet it is a very real feeling. </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34242490.post-34659241081105517842008-06-06T12:45:00.001-04:002008-06-06T12:47:16.388-04:00Can appearance build self-confidence?<p class="MsoNormal">Can appearance build self-confidence?</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">In short, I would have to say, yes it does – but there are limitations.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">I’ve always had a problem with confidence. I used to think that my weight, and the fact that I wore glasses, was responsible for my lack of self-esteem. Later in life, I started losing my hair and that was pretty much the third strike. </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">I basically spent most of my twenties submerged in computers, and the few jobs I managed to land dealt strictly with programming and data bases – very little human contact. This was fine with me because, while I felt that I’d never meet a woman, I could at least excel in something and get paid well for it. Let me tell you, this sounded a lot better in theory.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Ok, fast forward a few years. I have managed to lose a lot of weight over the past 2 years. In fact, you would never know that I had a weight problem by looking at me. I’ve also given up glasses in favour of contacts. All in all, you could say that I’m a different person.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Ok, do I feel more confident? Well, a little, but I still have a long way to go before I’m able to sit across from a pretty woman and be myself. The dates that I manage to struggle through go ok, considering, but I’d love to be able to feel a little more confident and enjoy the evening instead of dealing with that incredible nervousness I always feel. Maybe it’s normal. Maybe some guys deal with it a little better – who knows.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">The fact of the matter is that true confidence needs to come from within – I’m absolutely sure of that now. While improving one’s appearance does help a little, true change must come from within. </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">So what’s the answer? Perhaps a few hours on the couch might help? Lol.</p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34242490.post-27843502882421354832008-02-05T09:42:00.000-05:002008-02-05T09:44:12.054-05:00Dating and self-esteem issues<p class="MsoNormal">Last year, I started my dating challenge half cocked. I was setting myself up to fail and didn’t even realize it. Basically, I just threw myself out there, did what I thought was right, and expected results. Looking back at that now, I have to laugh. I mean, I had so many things going against me that it’s a wonder I was able to arrange the few dates I did.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Of course, I struck out on each of those three encounters. It’s one thing to set up a date, but an entirely different thing to make it work. I suppose nervousness had a lot to do with it. </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Yes, being nervous will kill a date faster than anything. If you think that the other person doesn’t notice, then you are really kidding yourself. Of course my dates could see that I was nervous, but I felt powerless the stop it. </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Why is there such a stigma put on this anyway? What’s wrong with being nervous on a first date? Well, apparently, a lot. The women I have dated seem to regard nervousness as a horrible character flaw. </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">However, looking at the big picture: If nervousness, lack of self-esteem, and lack of confidence are such horrible character flaws, then where does that leave the average guy? You can’t tell me that most guys would not show some nervousness on a first date. We all can’t be that confident. We all can’t live up to some pre-conceived notion of how a man should always appear calm, confident and in complete control.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Is there any help for the nervous guys of this world?</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Of course there is, however, the answer is not found in the dating world. As I found out, my problem with confidence had nothing to do with my dating problems - actually, dating just added fuel to the fire.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">No, my real problem ran a little deeper than that. Until I worked on my self-esteem issues, I’d be setting myself up for a lifetime of failure and stress in the dating world.</p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34242490.post-3939722500967321912008-02-03T17:36:00.000-05:002008-02-03T17:38:27.799-05:00Dating, socializing, friendship - What are your expectations?<p class="MsoNormal">What are your expectations when it comes to socializing and dating? </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">That’s a question that I’ve been asking myself lately. For as long as I can remember, I’ve sat on the sidelines while the rest of society seemingly carried on flirting, socializing, dating – basically, enjoying life. Yes, I know, I viewed the rest of the world in a somewhat skewed manner. </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Now, I’m not naïve enough to believe that everyone else lived their lives as though they were in a beer commercial; but still, I did feel cheated, put down, and robbed of that social connection everyone else seemed to enjoy. It was as if they belonged to an exclusive club that would never consider granting me membership.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Ok, now obviously, that way of thinking is wrong. Sure, there might be a few social circles that I’ll never have a chance with, but those are few and far between. The reality is that I have the capability to connect with people and have a healthy social life. I am capable of expanding my circle of friends.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Where do I need to start? Well, the biggest mistake I am making is that I have unrealistic expectations of how society functions. I’m not talking about dating exclusively, but socializing in general. </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">For example: I am not a handsome guy, yet I put myself down when women totally ignore me. I expect that they should pay attention to me, flirt, and treat me with kindness. When that doesn’t happen, I feel depressed, resentful, and hurt. </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Obviously, I’m missing something here. My expectations are out of whack.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">I expect people to be kind towards me.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">I expect people to start conversations with me.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">I expect to have a large group of friends.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">I expect people to make the first move when striking up a conversation.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">I expect women to flirt with me.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">I expect women to be attracted to me.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">I expect others to make first contact.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">I expect to be invited to functions.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">I expect to be included.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">In the past year, I’ve had a major reality check. One thing I have been working on is my expectations. Now, I could have simply lowered my expectations and accepted the fact that society would pretty much ignore me. Low expectations, low results, and everything balances. Or, I could have made an effort to improve my situation, work hard, and earn that which I expected from people.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">The keyword here is <u>earned.<o:p></o:p></u></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><u><o:p><span style="text-decoration: none;"> </span></o:p></u></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Feeble effort equals feeble results. <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34242490.post-57517313786600694212008-01-22T11:07:00.001-05:002008-01-22T11:16:06.333-05:00Dating - dressing for success<p class="MsoNormal">In the dating world, nothing gives you a bigger bang for your buck, and does more for your image, than dressing smartly. You literally have seconds to make a good first impression - and while you may not be able to do much about your physical look, you can at least increase your desirability by making an effort in the clothes department.<o:p><br /></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Think your date won’t notice your mismatched wardrobe and scruffy shoes? Guess again. Though she might not notice on a conscious level, make no mistake, you are being evaluated.<o:p><br /></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Besides losing weight, my biggest breakthrough came when I stopped dressing like a bum and invested in some new clothes. I was also surprised at how economically this could be done.<o:p><br /></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Here are 5 ways I was able to improve my wardrobe:<br /><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 18pt;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">1. </span>Try to get a second opinion before you go ahead and purchase an item. Better yet, take along a female friend. In my case, I asked my sister-in-law to come with me. I was amazing how much we disagreed about what looked good and what didn’t. In the end, she convinced me to try new things that were a little out of my comfort zone. Looking back now, I’m glad she did because she really has a great sense of what looks good on a guy.<span style=""><br /></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 18pt;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">2. </span>Look in the latest magazines (yes, even women’s magazines) to get an idea of what is in style. Also take note of what the mannequins are wearing in the top clothing stores. Take note of how colors are used.<o:p><br /></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 18pt;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">3. </span>Buy things on sale. Good quality, stylish clothing is expensive. I never paid full price for anything I bought, and I was still able to get most of what I wanted. You might have to wait for some items, but getting a quality piece of clothing for the same price as a department store knockoff makes good sense. Besides, the department store item will have a cheap look that will be noticeable. <o:p><br /></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 18pt;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">4. </span>Take care of your investment. Launder your good clothes according to the manufactures label. Sounds obvious, but I ruined some very nice shirts by not following the directions. Also, keep your best cloths separate from your daily stuff. Less wear and tear means more money in your pocket.<o:p><br /></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 18pt;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">5. </span>Dress for your age and body style. If you are middle-aged and a little overweight – accept that fact. Nothing looks worse than someone dressing to look younger. Wear comfortably fitting clothing that compliments your age and body type.<br /><br /><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p>That’s about it. The only other thing I can add to this is that you should never wear your worst looking clothes in public. I’m talking about putting on that horribly wrinkled shirt or those track pants to pop to the store for groceries. You may not be heading out on a date, but sometimes opportunity knocks in the most unexpected way. Imagine meeting the woman of your dreams while dressed like you slept in your clothes – can you say embarrassing? </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Wear clean, stylish, wrinkle-free, everyday clothes in situations like that, because you never know who’s around the next corner.</p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34242490.post-43436854024305614412008-01-16T12:54:00.000-05:002008-01-16T12:59:14.066-05:00Dating anxiety<p class="MsoNormal">Dating sites and introduction services are a good thing as long as you are ready to actually meet someone. My experience was mostly negative because of my confidence and self-esteem issues.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Creating dating site profiles and hanging around different bars and clubs wasted a lot of my time. I had other issues that I needed to take care of before I would have any success with these methods. </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">I needed to stop concentrating on romance and start looking inward. </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Dating aside, my number one problem was insecurity and low self-esteem. How could I expect to meet someone when I had all that going on? I’m sure (well, actually, I know) that people can see right through me and I come off as anxious and nervous. In fact, it’s bad enough in everyday life, let alone in the dating world.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Yeah, it’s natural to feel a little nervous on a first date, but my level of nervousness caused me to behave in a peculiar way. Because of my nervousness, I would say and do things that sent out the “weirdo” vibes. Woman would pick up on this instantly and the date would end prematurely. </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">I experienced this many times. It’s discouraging because I had a hard enough time getting them to agree to go out on a date to begin with.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Deep down, I know I have a decent personality; it’s just that I become a different person when I am out in public. I’m not just talking about dating here. I have a difficult time meeting people and making friends in general. I’m sure it also has a lot to do with experience.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">So, as you can see, I have other issues that run a little deeper than getting rejected by just about every woman I come into contact with.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Now, the real question is: Where do I start on my self-improvement? </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34242490.post-32221590257690479432008-01-08T14:05:00.000-05:002008-01-08T14:06:44.529-05:00Dating and a few tough lessons<p class="MsoNormal">The dating challenge was kind of a dumb idea. For those of you who haven’t been following things, check out the last 40 posts and you’ll get an idea of what I’ve been trying to accomplish during the past year.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Although things didn’t turn out great, it was a real eye-opener in the sense that I’ve learned some tough lessons. Here are some of them in no particular order:</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style="">I am not cut out for bars/clubs. </b>I don’t know what made me think I’d have any amount of success in this high-pressure/high-competition venue. Some of my worst disasters happened there. Bottom line: I’m completely out of my element. Maybe some day I’ll have the confidence to give it another go, but for now – no.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style="">I am too passive, nice, and agreeable.</b> It’s not to say that one must act like a total jerk, but there can be too much of a good thing. Remember, there is a fine line between being too agreeable and being boring. This is not an attractive trait, because it always appeared that I had no will of my own. The “nice-guy” personality causes problems in other areas of my life also.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style="">I failed to give the dating sites a fair chance. </b>Given the fact that I now hate bars, this is one area that I intend to pursue right away. In hindsight, I think online dating is custom made for a guy like me. I will be working on a new profile soon. Of all the possibilities out there, I think this one has the greatest chance of succeeding. </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style="">I’ve learned that I have a lot of work to do on my confidence and self-esteem issues. </b>I’ve got some very deep-rooted issues with self-esteem – the dating thing just magnifies everything times a hundred. </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style="">Looks are important. </b>When I first started this challenge, I was overweight, sloppy, and I didn’t care. I got my appearance in order pretty darn quick because in dating, the first impression is crucial – like it or not, those are the rules. By the way, <i style="">anyone</i> can improve their appearance, no matter what they look like.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style="">I couldn’t relax. </b>I always appeared nervous and anxious around women – especially when I was out on a date. This was related to my lack of confidence, of course. If I make any headway in the area of self-esteem, I’m hoping this will be a non-issue.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style="">I had no other interests, hobbies, talents, or pursuits. </b>After the initial dinner, movie, coffee (whatever), I had nothing left. If they wanted to see me after that first date, I was stuck for things to do. </p> <p class="MsoNormal">Also, having some other interests would have given me some personal satisfaction – let’s not forget that.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style="">I failed to build other relationships (I had no friends).</b> Having a good network of friends can do wonders for you. I remember meeting this one woman online and eventually we hooked up a few times for coffee. I think she was ok with my appearance and personality, but as it became apparent that I didn’t have many friends, I sensed that she assumed I was introverted and desperate. </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">And my final (and biggest) revelation:</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style="">Have some self-respect. </b>I was much too hard on myself and felt guilty for everything. I now realize that it’s a two-way street, and that I wasn’t the only one at fault when things didn’t work out. </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">This last point is a biggie and one that many of us miss, I suspect. <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0