Even Average Guys Can Date Attractive Women - If They Have the Right Attitude

Are you convinced that only good looking, charismatic, successful guys get attractive women? Well, that's what I thought a few years back when I first started this blog, but I can confidently say after meeting and dating my fair share of women that nothing could be further from the truth. A lot has changed in my life since than – in fact, you could say that my entire outlook on women and life in general is completely different.

Originally, I started this blog as a kind of personal diary and a challenge to myself to get a full-time girlfriend within the period of one year. Just looking back at that now makes me realize how little I knew about women, dating, and my own potential to get out there and find/create my own happiness.

If you've read any of my previous stuff, you'll know that I had been carrying around a lot of emotional baggage back then. Everything from my weight, to my receding hairline, to my glasses – It just seemed that I really had nothing going for me at all.

Even after losing a ton of weight, getting contacts, and updating my wardrobe, I still didn't feel particularly confident. This really started getting me down because it almost seemed as though all that work was for nothing. Inside, I was the same insecure person I always was.

So what changed?

Well, I think my biggest epiphany came when I was on the verge of giving up completely. I was so tired of trying to be someone I wasn't just to attract women. It just wasn't me and as a result, I was failing miserably. I realized right there and then that I was just trying a little to hard. As a result, I stopped putting such an emphasis on the end result and adopted the attitude that whatever happened, happened.

Looking back, I'm sure that I was giving off desperation vibes like crazy. It's no wonder I couldn't attract anyone.

An amazing thing happened once I was able to do this. I actually started getting more women to talk to me. As amazing as that sounds, the less attention I payed to them, the more friendly they became. I know there are a lot of theories out there about this, but it actually did work for me – I honestly never would have believed it if I hadn't experienced it for myself.

To be honest, I had tried this hard-to-get tactic in the past, but I was never able to pull it off because I was making one small mistake. I wasn't playing hard to get, I was completely ignoring them. There is a huge difference. If you ignore women completely, don't expect them to be falling all over you – unless, of course, you are so good looking they just can't help themselves. Not only that, but it requires no effort at all to ignore people – it's the easiest thing in the world.

Acting with confidence while charming a woman - well, that's something different altogether. That actually does take effort.

When it's all said and done, it really is a very delicate balancing act. You want to impress her and get closer, but at the same time, you want to come off as if your whole world isn't riding on whether she likes you or not. Be confident, personable, charming, funny, and sincere, but slightly aloof. Never show desperation – even when you think things are going well. In other words, never show your hand.

Falling For Every Woman

In my last post, I talked about the importance of making contact with more than one woman. In other words, it's always a good idea to have a few options. If you want to know the truth, this is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. The main reason is that I have a tendency to fall for a woman very easily.

It can be a real problem when you're trying to play the field and exploring your options. As I mentioned in my last post, putting all your efforts into one person and then having them reject you for whatever reason is not a sensible thing to do.

Eventually, I started dating more and meeting more women. As a result, my tendency to start falling for the first woman I talked to seemed to diminish. I remember as a teenager being teased by my older brothers saying that the first woman who kissed me I'd ask to marry. I suppose they weren't far off on their prediction.

Throughout high school and college, I dated very little and I tended to be somewhat clingy with anyone that showed me even the slightest bit of interest. A lot of this had to do with my low self-esteem and confidence - but that's another story.

The bottom line is that I've discovered that by playing the field and making contact with as many women as possible, I was able to make a more mature and sensible decision as far as who I wanted to get serious with. It's not that I have 20 women at my beck and call, because I'm just an average looking guy; but I discovered that didn't matter anyway. If you put your mind to it, you can get out there and meet tons of people. Anyone can do this - I'm proof of that.

Don't Put All Your Eggs in One Basket

As I mentioned in my last post, you're not really doing yourself any favors by trying to be someone you're not. Eventually it's all going to come down like a house of cards. So, you are simply postponing the inevitable.

One huge mistake I used to make (and I still make sometimes) is that I simply bet everything on one woman. I'd concentrate all my efforts on one particular person and painstakingly tried to polish my act in order to get her to like me. Talk about putting all your eggs in one basket. Any guy who has success with women will tell you that this is a bad idea. It's much better to spread yourself around and have more options.

By not zeroing in on one particular woman, you're better able to play the numbers game - and, quite often, that's exactly what it takes in order to have success in the dating world. Let's face it: not every woman is going to like you. Don't worry, and don't take it personally; that's simply the way it is. There are no two people on the face of this planet that are exactly alike. Sometimes there is simply no chemistry, and other times there are extenuating circumstances that you're not even aware of. Often, it goes past a simple compatibility issue.

By having more than one option available to you, you are creating a much bigger advantage and eventual chance at happiness. While some people may think this approach may be a little on the sleazy side, I beg to differ. It's not like you have to sleep with every partner you come in contact with.

Besides, your true soul mate may actually be out there somewhere while you're wasting your time with someone that isn't your type. You're never going to know this unless you date different people. That is a fact and there's no way around it.

In my case, I quickly realized that my tendency to concentrate on only one person at a time was really my own lack of self-esteem and confidence. Once I was comfortable with one person, I found it difficult to stretch the boundaries and really get out there and try different things. As they say: if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Well, that's not exactly the greatest advice in the dating world, unfortunately.

Just be Yourself

As a single guy, and one who is relatively inexperienced in the dating world, one of the toughest challenges I've ever faced was to simply be myself. For some reason, once I was out in public around women, I assumed a different personality because I didn't like my own. This new "me" was always trying to be funny, clever, interesting, and likable. What I usually came off as was a desperate, needy guy who was trying to seek approval and attention from everyone.

To tell you the truth, I'm not sure exactly why I couldn't be myself around women. It's not like I had a horrible personality when I was just being me. Yes, I may not have been as talkative, clever, or funny, but I was sincere, down-to-earth and could carry a pretty good conversation.

It's only been within the last year or so that I've realized being yourself is not entirely bad. Heck, if they don't like me, then at least I won't be wasting anyone's time, including my own. Ultimately, if you establish any kind of relationship, your real personality is going to come out anyway - so why prolong it?

I think the problem many guys have is fear of failure. They would rather seek approval from everyone even if it means that they have to completely change their personality. Yes, you may attract more women by putting on this false front, but really, what's it going to buy you in the long run?

Once I started simply being myself, I noticed that I tended not to become stressed out as much. The conversations I did have seemed to be a little more relaxed and fluid. A big part of this new mindset was convincing myself that I didn't have to please everyone and, although I may have had to talk to more women, the ones I did connect with would be real.

So the next time you're talking to a beautiful woman and you're afraid that you're going to lose her if she discovers who you really are, simply remind yourself that there are more fish in the sea and it's not the end of the world. Sometimes dating is just a numbers game and you've got to go through a few rough patches before you find what you're looking for.

Average Looking Guys do Have a Chance

I have to admit, I'm not the greatest looking guy in the world. Although, I have been doing quite a bit to improve my image over the past two or three years, I am still faced with the harsh reality of simply being average looking. For a while, I convinced myself that looks really don't matter, but who was I kidding - honestly?

While it's certainly in your best interest to maintain a positive outlook and project confidence and self-assuredness when talking to women, it's also a good idea to be aware of the fact that they do place a value on looks alone. Yes, it's a cold harsh reality.

Now, you can take this in one of two ways. You can continue to torture yourself for the rest of your life always feeling like a victim because you don't measure up in the looks department, or you can accept yourself for who you are and work on things you can change.

Personally, I did everything I could to improve my looks including losing weight, getting contacts, and improving my wardrobe. I got to the point where it really wasn't possible to do much more.

After that, I concentrated on the things I could change instead of obsessing and beating myself up for not being good looking enough or not measuring up to the best looking guy in a crowd.

One really bad habit I got out of was my tendency to compare myself to the best looking guys in a crowd. That was just self-torture and would always create a negative state of mind. Of course there's always going to be someone better looking than you in a crowd. If you continue to compare yourself to these people, you're going to end up feeling bad - end of story.

Now here's the good news: I've discovered that it is possible to improve your personality to the point where you actually overshadow those guys you can't compare to in looks.

I've also discovered that many guys that have been gifted with rugged good looks are, in fact, lacking in personality and substance. Even though they may be able to initially attract the best looking women, I believe someone with average looks can outdo them in the long run.

So I guess what I'm saying is that once you've learned to accept yourself for who you are, you can start working on things that you can change. This is a much better use of your efforts than simply beating yourself up because you don't measure up to the top 2% of the population.